


SPN 13x12 Coda

by WaywardAF67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dean Winchester Realizes His Feelings For Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode s13e12 coda, Episode: s13e12 Various and Sundry Villains, Love Potion/Spell, Season 13 Episode 12 Coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 21:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13556052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardAF67/pseuds/WaywardAF67
Summary: Dean deals with the aftermath of Jamie's love spell, and Cas is there to help him through it.





	SPN 13x12 Coda

Dean lingers at the table, wanting to give Sam his space. He always figured his little brother was still battling his psychological demons, from the time spent with Lucifer, but Dean has been there and done that, knowing that there’s nothing he can say to make said demons go away. It's still nice to have his little brother confide in him. For all Sam’s insistence on talking, he tends to keep his own feelings close to the chest.  

He gives it another ten minutes before throwing the mushy peas and his empties in the garbage. Dean is making the rounds turning off the lights when he hears the front door open. There is only one other person who has a key to the front door, and it’s about time he came home. 

Cas’ steps echo as he descends the stairs. Dean feels a mild rush of panic and isn’t sure if he should limp away and hide from the angel, or face him and get it over with. Ever since the  _ love spell _ , Dean’s emotions have been a bit muddled. He’s been busy putting out fires and hasn’t had a chance to process what that means. In true witch fashion, it wasn’t just a simple feeling of love for one person, he experienced love of all kinds on a much more intense level. It felt more like a curse - the crushing weight of caring for someone so deeply. Where Dean always looked at love equally, the curse brought to light the difference in familial love and  _ other love.  _

Dean is pulled from his internal debate by a rich and husky voice greeting him, “Hello, Dean.”

He trains his eye on his friend, warmed by the familiar salutation. He spots the smattering of blood on Castiel’s collar and rushes over to inspect him. Dean places his hands on Cas’ face tilting his head first left then right checking for a bleeding wound.

“Cas, are you okay? Where are you hurt?” 

The hunter is certain he feels Cas sigh and slightly lean into his touch. 

“I’m fine. This isn’t my blood.” 

“Dammit, Cas, what the hell have you gotten yourself into now?”

“It’s a bit of a long story. You appear to be tired and injured yourself. Perhaps we can talk about this in the morning.”

“Like hell, we’re talking in the morning. Sit your ass down and tell me where you’ve been.” 

Cas rolls his eyes but slowly makes his way into the library, grabbing the good whiskey from the shelf. He twists off the cap and takes a long pull from the bottle. When he’s had a few gulps, he removes the bottle from his lips and passes it over to Dean, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“So it’s a drink-straight-from-the-bottle kind of story.” Dean slides into the seat across from Cas and takes several swallows of the liquor.  

Cas goes over his meeting with Lucifer, his diminished grace, and getting captured by Asmodeus. By the time he’s done with the story, Dean has a definite buzz going, and the bottle sits in front of Cas, empty. 

As the silence settles over them, Dean idly wonders if Cas even has a slight head change. He’s about two sips away from drunk, and the bottle was almost full. 

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet. I did something stupid and got captured, and you’re not yelling at me. Are you doing okay, Dean?”

“You make it sound like all I do is yell at you.”

Cas doesn’t say anything, just continues to glower at Dean. And it’s not like Cas is wrong, he should be pissed. He should have known something was up. The last time he talked to Cas he had a feeling something was off. Then when Cas started checking in every day with Sam instead of him, that should have been another clue. But he’s not pissed. He’s just happy to have Cas back and in one piece. 

“I can yell at you if it makes you feel better, but it’s been a rough day. Think we can save it for tomorrow?” Dean asks. 

“That doesn’t answer if you are okay, Dean.”

Dean sighs, it would be so easy to tell Cas everything. Tell him that he’s not okay. That his little brother is falling apart before him, that he doesn’t have a plan to get Jack and mom back. That the love spell fucked him up and now he can’t tell which way is up and which way is down. But he doesn’t. He just looks at Cas, wishing it could be easier. 

He stands and makes his way towards the living quarters. 

“Dean,” Cas calls, “let me help you.” 

“It’s okay, Cas. It’s just a bruise. I’ll be fine.” 

Cas looks at him with soft eyes and a tiny head tilt, and that’s just the right look to melt his insides. He’s had enough to drink to be able to blame it on the alcohol in the morning, but he’s not sure he wants to do that. 

“Give me ten minutes and meet me in my room.” 

He makes his way to the bathroom, quickly running through his routine of washing his face, brushing his teeth, and relieving his bladder. He’s back in his room with a few minutes to spare, which seems to be a big mistake because now he’s regretting inviting Cas to talk. He thought if he was going to bare his soul, he wanted to have fresh breath and a comfy pair of sweats, but all he’s done is given himself time to doubt his decisions. 

Dean’s thinking about faking being asleep when he hears the knock on his door. He takes a steadying breath before calling out for Cas to come in. 

The angel closes the door behind him and leans up against it. Dean is thankful Cas is giving him as much space possible. And just that simple gesture reminds him that no one understands him the way Cas does. In many ways, his friend gets him more than Sam does, never forcing him to talk, always understanding when he needs space. Just like the look earlier, this strengthens Dean’s resolve. 

“So, Rowena’s back.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“She’s a sneaky bi-- uh, witch.”

Cas takes a step further into the room. “Talk to me, Dean.”

Dean scratches the back of his head, a nervous trait he’s had since he was a kid. “Yeah. Okay. It’s just hard, man. Talking about this shit.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, okay. So I got hit with a love spell by fucking Sabrina, the douchey Witch. Rowena put her up to it to snag the Black Grimoire. She’s playing this game with Sam, using her fear of Lucifer to manipulate him. I don’t know man, I think she just royally fucked us, and Sam just bent over and gave it to her.” 

“We’ve stopped her before. And we know she’s working some kind of plan. That gives us more of an advantage then we’ve had in the past.”

Dean sighs, pacing around his room. So far this little confession hasn’t been as hard as he imagined. He was embarrassed by the love spell, but Cas breezed right over it. He closes his eyes and prepares for a conversation he never thought he’d have. It’s scary and awkward, but it’s something he finally feels like he can do. 

“You asked if I was okay. And I’m not, Cas. It’s not in me to give up, but I’m barely hanging on by a thread, man. I gotta worry about Sam and this Lucifer shit, you were missing, and I didn’t even know it. And I declared my love for a fucking witch of all people. I can’t say it to Sam, never told Charlie I loved her. You were dying and I couldn’t even say it back to you. But one fucking spell, and all of a sudden I’m Mr. Romantic.” 

Dean is huffing at his confession. He’s not sure Cas will understand what he’s saying, but he hopes so. The pain in his leg is getting to be too much, so he plops down on his bed. “And to top it all off, her stupid sister hit me in the leg with a fucking hammer. God, I hate witches so fucking much.” He drops his head in his hands. This isn’t at all what he was planning to say to Cas, but he’s sure he got his point across. 

“Dean, look at me.” 

He shakes his head. He’s on the verge of tears, and can’t face Cas looking like this. 

“Please.” 

Dean tips his head back, looking up at Cas through his lashes. Cas runs his hand through Dean’s hair, and Dean feels the cooling sensation of grace wash over him. 

“I don’t need to hear you say it, Dean. You’ve told me a thousand different ways. The tape you gave me, sharing your favorite movies with me, even your yelling shows me how much you care. I believe humans say, ‘actions speak louder than words’, right?” 

Dean just nods. Of course, Cas would say that. Cas, who sacrifices everything he cares about to take of the people he loves. Cas, who can love without abandon. 

“It’s not okay, Cas. Under that fucking spell, I was practically screaming it from the rooftops. I was walking past strangers on the street telling them I was, uh, you know, in love, or whatever. Why does it have to be so scary?” 

“Because every time you’ve loved someone you’ve lost them. Love doesn’t come easy in this life, Dean, but you need it. Trust me; I’ve lived my life without love. I went millennia without knowing love. Then I met you. You and your family, you’re the only people who have ever loved me. The only people I have gotten to love. Life is better with people you care about.” 

Dean nods his head towards the bed, inviting Cas to sit next to him. “You know I do, right? Uh, love you, that is. I’ve never said, but I do.”

Cas flashes a bright smile at Dean, with a dopey look on his face. “At the risk of making things awkward, can I hug you?” 

Dean can’t speak around the lump in his throat, so he nods and leans towards Cas. They are still sitting on the bed, and it’s a bit of an awkward position. He’s hugging his best friend after he told him he loved him, and nothing has ever felt better. He sags against Cas, burning his nose in angels collar. “Thanks, Cas.” Dean gives a final squeeze before pulling away. He’s not out of the woods yet, he didn’t tell Cas that they might be talking about a different kind of love, but somehow he thinks Cas understands exactly what he’s saying. 

“Cas, will you stay and watch over me?”

“Of course, Dean.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always to my lovely EllenOFOz you always help me edit, even when you are busy. I appreciate you so much. Thanks to my other fan fic aholoics for the support and encouragement. 
> 
> Come hang out with me on Tumblr


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